Borders and Toasters

Aloha, Konbanwa!
So, I finally got off my ass and took my CV to Borders today.
I hope I get some sort of job, even if it involves working as an automatic door, it's a really nice place.
Do you think they shredded my CV as I walked away? =(

Moving on though, I woke up the day before yesterday, very late as usual, finding my stomach demanding its morning skyscraper of toast to munch down for energy to stop me collapsing in the middle of book shops*.

However. entering the kitchen, I was incredibly confuzed by the lack of the toaster.

Where the hell is the toaster?

Obviously, someone hiding the toaster wouldn't go down well. So something odd's happened.

And what could that possibly be?
Yes, my TESCO Value Toaster caught fire in the middle of the night. Almost burning down the house with me and my family inside. I first found the fact my toaster burst into flames hysterical, spontaneous combustion is pretty damn amusing, right?

My dad asked me if I had been making toast in the middle of the night, as I often do. To which I replied:

Why, do you think if the toaster burst into flames infront of me I'd just leave it and go back to bed? I'd obviously be screaming "Fire!"** and other unknown words.

Being a fan of conspiracy*** and law suits I have decided I want to sue TESCO for damages**** everything they have, as they tried to kill me, obviously in an attempt to stop Studio8 wiping out the rest of the film industry by 2018. They'll recover anyway, they'll just buy out some other small supermarket chain and continue their takeover bid for Earth, finally turning the planet into one huge supermarket, where you will travel to once a light decade from your intergalatic home, to do a light month of shopping.

So really. I'm just trying to save the world. Your everyday hero...

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Optimistic
Listening To: I'm A Bitch - Alanis Morissette
Current Theory: TESCO's going down.
Quote of the Moment: "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_Flying_Pear"

*I managed to collapse in Borders today. The best part was Mr Joe didn't notice, even though I fell less than a metre away from him.
**In Japanese of course. Just to bring some culture and increased confuzion to the moment.
***Myself and Tom have concluded to agree to disagree on 9/11. He makes good points. I'm scared to debate with him. A tip from the wise, never debate with Tom on politics, I've never tried and never will.
****Such as the fateful electrical damage to my computer (Sssh, I'm posting from another computer... Far, far away... Somewhere...) as well as my fear of toasters and other toasting devices, including sunbeds, microwave ovens and lightbulbs.