Y'know, I nearly thought that come last September, I was going to get it together and actually do some work. I even pondered how the world would be if I did my projects and portfolios during the day rendering myself actually able to sleep, the required number of hours of sleep in the night.
Though, it was never going to happen.
And we all knew it.
...I dropped Computer Science to avoid what I genuinely thought as a long-winded waste of my time and energy for a piece of paper that would only be misunderstood by an employer as "Can use the spellchecking function on Microsoft Word and add up his weekly shopping list of muffins and other tasty treats on Microsoft Excel."
...Maths was like a reunion, with ex-Comprehensive Student Cai joining myself, Lisa, Chris, Ashley and Dan in a classroom that resembled Woodall's GCSE Math classes by the day.
The tutors had changed,
The work had changed,
But we certainly hadn't...
We spent most of our lectures babbling loudly, arguing, reminiscing in our Secondary School stories, hurling sweets at each-other, insulting and demoralizing Chris, cunningly stealing and hiding Ashley's stationary and generally not doing any work, while probably distracting and entertaining other members of the class.
...And then there's the Media BTEC; where I don't do any of my design portfolios in classtime, leaving it all for the night before the due date where my body automatically prepares itself for a long night of Sam-Work, a method where tasks are slowly completed whilst multitasking on MSN, iTunes, various websites and the TV. This slow pace provides maximum quality from one long, concentrated session of effort. The current record is around fifteen hours with my final Photography piece being uploaded on time at 9:35am on a Saturday.
It's exhausting, but totally worth it.
***
Introductory aside, the depressive storm that is "The Summer Exam Season" has blown over the college once more, having completed its task of swallowing up social lives, happiness, inducing a generic atmosphere of life-ruining-fear and wasting what precious sunlight we have here.
I, was one of the "lucky ones" escaping with just three Maths exams to sit; whilst other people I know had nearly ten or twelve, sometimes up to four in the same day. I'd rather them than me.
Though, you'd think that having just the three exams would allow me plenty of time to get full marks in all of my papers and to be honest, if we were talking about any other student, you'd probably be right. Unfortunately for my results sheet, I spent my time either calming the nerves of stressed out exam students or totally wasting my time around the house doing next-to-nothing, a particular favourite pastime of mine.
Lisa's evidence photo to prove to Pure Maths lecturer Jo that work was actually done at our Starbucks trip.After a short revision session at the Borders-Starbucks-Combo-Store with Lisa, I did infact attempt to revise the evening before the three-hour-double-exam-session by spreading Math notes over my bed and taking a temporary bout of unconsciousness whilst lying on top of them in the hope I could absorb some of the notes via osmosis...
Please note to yourself for future reference this is NOT, repeat NOT an effective revision method.
The first exam of the two was fine, I could have done better, but I definitely hadn't failed, so I was feeling pretty upbeat and confident, and rightly so, surely the next exam would be on a similar level of difficulty, right?
WRONG.
Let's run by that again.
WRONG.
I'm not even sure what it was about the paper, everyone agreed it was hard and much more complex than most questions we had seen in the past papers for sure - Though our lecturers seemed relatively unphazed by it.
Put it this way, if an exam makes seven people you know burst into tears, something, has gone wrong. Perhaps the writer of the questions got a little bored with the stream of news reports claiming that British Students are doing "too well" so the exams must be getting easier and wanted to create a challenge, a plan which obviously escalated.
Or perhaps he was in his garden shed, lighting up a converted bubble pipe to smoke a friendly flowering plant... For "medicinal" purposes of course, to soothe the arthritis in his soul-wrecking pen-wielding hand.
Creating exam questions whilst under the influence? Batting away hallucinations of integral signs and oversized cheesegraters so you can break students down with your crazed Mathematics?
Shameful.
I sat amongst the rest of the hall, who, at the time, all seemed to be coping, scribbling at a rate that would hurt your eyes if you stared for too long, while my mind attempted to create alternate ways to answer questions, dig up methods from October, ignore songs that were stuck in my head and remember how to add and subtract correctly. It was intellectually-numbing to flick through and realize I couldn't answer most of the paper, but I did plough through, attempting a couple of low mark questions here and there, picking up a few little marks to at least reach an E, which, after some time became futile.
So, I sat back and took some time out to stare at the questions that baffled me before deciding to change tact on the exam. I think I was looking at it the wrong way, it seemed like the sort of exam I should be doing "outside the box", by say, not doing it at all.
Perhaps the examiner isn't looking for answers to these questions?
Perhaps, our good friends at the WJEC are looking for an irrelevant essay relating to "Observations Of An Exam Hall Through The Eyes Of An AS Mathematics Student".
At least, that is what they'll find at the back of my paper this year.
I was somehow - as Mira; a totally chilled out Math lecturer put it - "inspired by the situation" to write about what I could see around me, the little habits people have in an exam. Literally just a page of floating thought mixed with some Sam-type-humour as well as general distaste at the current educational system which is nothing new.
"It's funny how people tap on their calculators in the hope it'll magically unlock some auto-answer function to gain the answer they're after. The thing is, I paid seven pounds for my calculator and was expecting it to help me in some shape or form. It hasn't, I've just tried tapping it and it doesn't work... That's seven pounds I could have spent on something else... Like cake, or some other tasty food."
[...]
"It's okay though, I'll resit the exam in January. I'll be there along with the Oxbridge candidates who didn't achieve a "high enough A", because obviously the best grade someone can be awarded doesn't really count anymore, we'll just have to invent a new alphabet to map the "Just A's" and "High A's" onto."
[...]
"Ah well. One out of two isn't half bad... Well, technically it is. But still."
Sam and Lisa celebrate a spectacular practice exam failure. We saw it coming.*I may aswell fail epicly.
But regardless, I've just returned from another college-related Friday, at a location, none other than, the college. A good day in all I'd say, a little bit of Statistics revision in the morning, followed by an early brunch of chips before it had even turned eleven - Don't give me that look, I can eat whatever the hell I like, whenever I like, you're not my mother**.
Myself, Lisa, Vicki and Jess then did a little spot of revision before I disappeared to annoy surrounding college go-ers and "Fellow Stats Fiend" Nadine.
By this point I was excitedly anticipating the the wonderful Statistics Exam, I'm the type of person who enjoys the challenge of exams, which I'm pleased to report, didn't follow the same mathematical-massacre of the second Pure Math exam, and went perfectly.
Happy days.
Drinks
Sam.
Mood of the Day: Statistically-Proud
Listening To: Flame (Instrumental) - Crustation
Current Theory: P(Good Stats Grade) = 0.9
Quote of the Moment: "I Learnt It Off Casualty" - Sophie.
Joe Quality Assurance Rating: 8/8 [Epic]
* Though, in our defence. We'd actually got full marks in the questions we'd completed, it just took us the entire lecture to get those questions done. I think this is just a case of two brilliant minds and a mishap of time management.
** Mum, if you are reading, for your mental stability and safety, I'd suggest not coming back to this blog.
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