Good Morning BlogFans

Aloha!
So, It's 0:24...
It's relatively warm and my Logitech Wireless Desktop has lost all it's settings.
It's been awhile again, so I've returned with fireworks* and screaming**, with my bowl of ice-cream to tell you about recent happenings in the Realm. Revived, may I add.

Perhaps you thought I was dead?
Ah, young fool-san, you are yet to learn nothing can defeat my amazingness, (Apart from a very short list of fears and disorders***) especially something an unimportant as GCSE's.

You're probably wondering how badly they went, seeing as my revising ethos, involved setting fire to my materials. Well, it wasn't too bad, so the people who worked their arses off for the past two or three years will get the grade they deserve, while I, who did NO work, will get the one underneath, or fail, either way, it's only English Literature. What possible job would REALLY require that?

Well, your job application seems perfect...
Oh, wait. Wait a moment...
You FAILED English Literature? I'm sorry, you cannot become a games programmer now that we have found that you do not understand the relationship between Lennie and George in 'Of Mice and Men', a book which has absolutely no relevance to the gaming industry...

I spent most of the exam staring at the ceiling fans and wondering how the hell people could write so much over such little questions. I used about four pages in all, the booklet is twelve pages. My favourite question, beyond doubt was the "unseen poem" question - also known as the "SURPRISE! AHHHHHHH!" question - entitled "Shopkeeper".

What the fuck?

(And there go the innocent readers.)

I had half an hour to answer that question. Let me give a break down of how I went about that.
10mins - Hitting my head on the desk, repeating obscenities and promising to kill whoever chose this poem.
10mins - Staring at the ceiling, wondering what the subtext could possibly be. It's about a man and his shop, WHAT THE HELL ELSE CAN IT MEAN?
10mins - Blagging about how the poem is a call to those who live in the city to contrast their own lives with that of one in the country.

I'm not even going to continue, I'll end up tangling myself in loose anger about WJEC.

--------

So, I found myself at Joe's (Also known as Joe The Pleb or Fatty-Chan) again this weekend.
I spent my time; sleeping until absurd times of day, eating stacks of toast, playing the Wii, watching Bleach, screaming, destroying the curtain rail and keeping a lookout for babes walking on the prominade, unfortuantely all I spotted was a questionable and soul-scaring, old, bearded man.

As many of you may know, I have a history for creating destruction at my couzin's house.
Such as when I fed a large tin of pringles into his fan, spreading thousands upon thousands of 'pringle particles' across the room.
Or when I co-stuffed a fan with caramel and completely stopped it's function.
Or when I began firing jaffa cakes out the third story window, one, succesfully landing in a convertable.

But, well. I have exceeded all possible previous feats, after burying Joe under a pile stuff I found in his room, or, to be more precise, pretty much everything he owned. Including his chair. He did fail to make an emergency call with the phone I threw at him, but don't worry, everything was A-Ok:

There he is there, Fatty-Chan, looking slighly dead. But don't worry, as far as I know, this didn't kill him.

See, everything is fine, thumbs up there. Everything is A-Ok...

...

I'm still here. I'm just waiting to see when the AutoSave function will save again, apparenltly it's after I've stopped typing. So I'm typing, waiting for the button to turn grey. Now. Magic. Now I can sleep easy.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Tired
Listening To: A Door Closing, The Early Morning Remix
Current Theory: Big Brother will kill off contestants this year.
Quote of the Moment: "The second most popular drink is Gravel"

*Aimed at me, for some bizarre reason.
**And running alot of running, it's as if people don't like reading this blog?
***Edition 7 - Now Includes DisneyLand! -- Availible from all good book shops.

34 Hours...

Aloha!
So... My GCSEs begin in just thirty-four hours...
Plenty of time.

As you can see, I have begun my sorting my notes:


Exams are very important to me, which I why I'm going to spend all of tomorrow, sleeping.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Happy
Listening To: The New Modest Mouse Album XD
Current Theory: Exam Tomorrow. Haha.
Quote of the Moment: "Sounds Like Hard Core Porn..."

! Important Note !
For those of you, out there right this moment. Sitting there, gazing at my words, thinking that you should be revising now, please read on. Those intrigued, do the same. For those who don't care, why do you INSIST on coming back?

I will now tell you what I told someone earlier today.
There IS actually more to life than exams, believe it or not.
The world will not end if you fail, which is highly unlikely anyway, I mean have you seen how many marks you need for a C?

Those of you working yourselves into a panicking breakdown, please remember and carry with you the fact that PANIC SOLVES NOTHING and if you actually want to continue to care and pass, get some Hot Chocolate (I've decided it has healing properties), and sit down with your notes. I'll be in my garden, setting fire to my notes, with my Hot Chocolate.

We weren't born to sit exam after exam, and be scrutinized for every little comma that's left out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for education. But do you really, REALLY, need to create an environment of fear to get people to pass?

If so, doesn't that tell you that your syllabus is wrong?
Useless?
Out of date?
Boring?
Un-motivational?

I think it does.


So, to those who think the world ends when you fail an exam.
It doesn't.

It's all OK, and you know what?
It always will be.

The Prom, The After Party, The End

Aloha!
It's been a week or so, don't say you missed me. I simply won't believe you...

So, this is the end...
5 Years of "Education", Exams, Friendships, Love, Loss, Cake, Screaming, Falling, Singing, Dancing, Hugging, Laughing and Pyramid Building, climaxed by "The Prom"*.

I haven't much to say about the events at the Prom, as no-one randomly burst into flames or anything interesting. Jamie did provide entertainment though, by drinking prior to the pre-prom gathering. A legendary quote from his stumbling self: "Don't Worry Sam, I've ONLY had ten cans of Stella."
Jamie did manage to fall over, taking me down with him if that's any consellation for all you dark cynics out there.

Everyone looked pretty damn amazing. Especially resident Prom Queen Bev of course.
Here are some pretty pictures:

Our Pink Limo. Don't ask.

Starbucks Crew-ish

Me and The Beautiful Bev

And of course, the after-party...
I constantly drank the Magic Punch, which had every alcoholic beverage in Chloe's house mixed with oranges. It was one hell of a partay.

...and The After-Party. Myself, Tom and Prom Queen Bev drinking Punch.
Joined by Alex, looking at his phone in confusion, which is fair enough, as through the night I referred to mobile phones and glasses of punch as shoes.

Myself and Bev also finished the amazing yearbook, and even printed it ourselves.
It was a nightmare scenario. Think about a photocopier, now, place a drunk in charge of the photocopier...

Now name that drunkard Sam.

Yearbook Trivia
About 1% of the Yearbooks were binded upside down.
Inky fingerprints belong to Bev and Sam.
An entire box of paper was used.
I changed the Ink Toner myself, the inside of a photocopier looks like a nuclear reactor...
I kicked the copier, twice.
I sang to the photocopier.
Mr Steer made Me and The Bev hot beverages.

See you all in the English Literature exam.
Hope you're all hard at work, setting fire to those notes.

That's right kids, exams don't matter.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Musically-Hyped
Listening To: Stuck In A Moment - U2
Current Theory: This Town's Traffic Service Is Shite.
Quote of the Moment: "Don't Cry Because It's Over... Smile Because It Happened"

*Stupid American Phrase**. It's actually "Leavers Ball"..
**Don't get me started on the Yanks.

Another Pair of Legends... Lost...

Aloha, Konbanwa.
Well. There comes a time in your life, where, you must give up, something close to you, something, that's attached to you for most of your time... Your old shoes.
And that moment usually comes, when you damage them a little, like so:

Yes lovely children, there IS indeed a little gash down the side of my beautiful Converse shoe.
So, I re-ordered the same shoe, for the third time.*

Which, arrived this afternoon, I thought I'd add a little comparision shot for those that care.
Incidentally, those who don't, your presence is questioned. I hope you're happy...


However, that's not all I want to mention today.
I would just like to return to the WJEC exam board. Myself and Tom spent today's French lesson creating WJEC taglines about inconsistent marking, during the practice exam we were sitting.

The Higher Level WJEC Listening Paper, is THE easiest paper I have ever sat.
6 Questions. 30minutes and plenty of time to draw full scale drawings on every other page.

So, here they are:

We Jeopardise Everyone's Career.
"WJEC. Where standards don't exist."
"WJEC. Where your grade is picked at random."
"Pick a grade from our hat."
"WJEC. The Main Cause of Cancer."
"WJEC. Because everyone's stupid anyway."
"The National Exam Board. Pick 'n' Mix Gone Wild."
"WJEC. Because Exams Don't Matter, Happyness does."
"A Cold Welcome from the WJEC."
"The WJEC. What a waste of a career."
"The WJEC, we're not just robbing other exam boards of achievement, we're robbing the government too."

"What do I know?"
~ Head of WJEC

"Il fait blanc!"
~ Goodbye, in French, according to the WJEC.

Graphs created by Team Biscuit's Investigational Department shows that as difficulty levels decrease in WJEC papers, more A*'s are awarded.

We compared the average A* rate between the WJEC and a rival exam board:
"Other Brand GCSE" 10%
A WJEC GCSE 99.2%

The results say it all.

Disturbing results also show that the trauma from GCSE's can lay dormant and strike innocent people up to 80 years after taking their exams, which, just so happens to be the life expectancy of this country... Coincidence? I think not.

! Update !

Some more eBay feedback...

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Slightly-Thirsty-With-A-Hint-Of-Conspiracy
Listening To: Asterisk - Orange Range
Current Theory: WJEC Is Evil.
Quote of the Moment: "AQA: We're after every mark, and your soul."

*Why?
Because, it's my trademark. I tried some AirWalk's courtesy of Bev, to which people replied:
"That's, just... Wrong."

A Day In Town.

Aloha, Konbanwa.
Being a member of the Corruption Council* has a few features, like the possibility of biscuits at meetings, or the permission to leave school for half a day and hunt for some funky awards for our upcoming prom.
We had the pleasure to leave school (After being forced to stay in Maths**) and "chomp" a free lunch at the incredibly healthy McDonalds aswell as the task of buying hordes of plastic gags.

We began our dangerous shopping expedition at the 99p store.
For those of you who have never been lucky enough to shop at a 99p store on a Tuesday afternoon, it's a very scary place to be. It was also, interesting busy. I wondered if anyone was in TESCO today. We avoided the bustle with my traffic reports:

Well, its a fantastic cloudy and dull afternoon to be away from your classrooms, here, in the 99p store. However, we've got a backlog of people wanting nearly gone-off food after some split milk has threatened the ability to travel through the food isle.

The highlight of our day (And mostly Jamie's) was the visiting of some "questionable stores".
Worryingly, Jamie purchased some handcuffs for himself. We'll leave the specualtion fly.

I cannot say much more, as you, yourself may be a member of Year 11.
In which case, you should be setting fire to your revision material, like I have.

However, for future and vaguely comedic value, picture the following:

Me parading around town with a shiny blue bag over my head.***
A chav approches and says:

Fuck Off?

Oh! I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was:
"Where did you get that hat? It's cool."

That's a new one... I'm trendsetting.

! Earth Shattering News !

Studio8 has JUST been informed by our Internet-Crap Correspondant Esther that:

Cillt Bang's Barry Scott...

IS A FAKE.

To quote:
"Barry Scott (as in "Bang!! and the dirt is gone!") is not a real person and is actually played by Neil Burgess, who incidentally was once a murderer in the Bill"

Later.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: TowninglyHaptastic
Listening To: The Ice Storm - The Go! Team
Current Theory: GCSE's DO NOT equal Happiness.
Quote of the Moment: "Drink it, I'd like to see you die..."

*Also known as "Team Corruption", "HardCoreXCorruption", "A Scandal" and "The Year 11 Council"
**Where, once again, I slept for an hour.
***I loved how the emo's looked at me, as if I'M the one whose weird. Blue shiny hat vs. Pale, lifeless looking facial makeup and more metal than your average metal-related-factory.

Everyone's A Critic.

Aloha, Konnichiwa.
I'm supposed to be out today, but I got up late.
I thought about walking, but I went to the freezer and got some Ice-Cream instead and then wrote this, just for you guys. Oooh, don't you feel happy.

I was in town yesterday, as most people happen to find themselves stuck in on a Saturday morning; we've all woken up in the middle of a busy shopping centre and started to helplessly flail against the glass doors, trapped until you actually purchase something.

Oh.. Just me then. Moving on.

The plan for town wasn't really made, leaving the meeting time and point left pretty much left to the imagination. We finally met everyone at around 3. Nice and early.

It was decided that we would all go see Spiderman 3, on behalf of Jonny.
I would like to take this moment to clarify that I wanted to see something "that was not crap."
After burning some time in the little coffee shop we found while filming for 'Charlie', watching Jordan eat sweeteners and drinking hot chocolate we headed back to the cinema.

And there was our first mistake. We actually WENT to see the film.

Jonny bought a trough of popcorn and we were all set, we took our seats, myself and Tom made sure we sat within distance to laugh at the film, which neither of us were really intent on seeing, however, it made Jonny happy; Seems you can put a price on happiness, it's £4.20.

I've got to say, now, before any of you fall under the illusion that Spiderman3 is worth seeing.
Spiderman3, is THE most awful film, I have seen this year. However, I will say that watching it was painful, yet hysterical.


Me and Tom could not get over the fact that Peter Parker looked like a french-man while on his scooter and I was nearly crying when he was plucked from the road into the air.
Honestly, I'm still laughing now.

Everytime someone was trying to flag down a taxi I wanted it to run them over, and then reverse over them.

Of course, then came the worst of it all, when the film suddenly transformed into "Spiderman3 - The Musical!" where we see Peter Parker dancing around tables, thrusting towards doorways and generally looking a complete pillock. It was like some terribly frightening advert that you cannot stop.

Peter Parker also shows his true colours when he hits a girl in the face. I couldn't help but laugh.

Spiderman turns evil, so logically, Peter Parker turns emo?
His haircut, his eyeliner, I couldn't stop laughing. It was really, not good.
Everytime it rained I was hoping it would "wash the emo out of him..." No such luck.

It was also a mind-bending film, with people you thought were dead, constantly coming back to life, in sand form perhaps.

We probably ruined the film for everyone else, our shouting and hysterics echoed around the room, but thinking about it, the film ruined itself, so it was fine.

Throughout the film, myself, Tom and Bev found ways to entertain ourselves, such as stealing Jonny's popcorn and his Sprite. Well done to Tom on such a well executed operation.
After leaving, I tipped the leftover popcorn over Jonny, providing myself with adequate revenge and providing Jonny with a makeshift hat:

And here is Jonny, proudly fashioning his Makeshift-Spiderman3-Popcorn-Cardboard Hat I made for him.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: IceCreamy
Listening To: Down Under - Men At Work
Current Theory: I Could Throw Up A Better Film Than Spiderman3 - Sorry Jonny
Quote of the Moment: "It seems you can put a price on happiness, it's £4.20..."

Quick Update: Senioritis

Aloha, Konbanwa.
Wow. After my last post I dived into the magical world of Wikipedia.
And well, I found my "condition":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senioritis

It is typically said to include slowness, procrastination, apathy regarding school work, and a tendency toward truancy.

Tick all the boxes that apply.
Sam, stop ticking the page. Sam, you've filled the boxes. Stop!

! Update !

Reading further into my Procrastination, Wikipedia's scaringly large mass of knowledge suggests that I have ADHD. Awesome.

Sam.

Don't Get Me Started. Oh wait...

Aloha!
Wow, it's been a pretty long, slow, painful day.
My body decided it would a fun experiment to wake me up at 4am this morning, which pretty much destroyed my life day, but it was fine, because I had "Switched!" to watch until 6. I wish I could have shot myself; attempting to sleep with some American in the background moaning about how the weather much home is hotter.

Well don't switch lives with some sort of American-Eski(e)mo-Kid. Idiot.

But, seeing as I was up so early though, I thought I could turn the situation on its head and make this a good start to just another Wednesday Thursday. At 6am, E4 Music started, awesome stuff. I was thinking, I could have a shower, some toast and be vaguely alive for the rest of the day.

But no. Thanks to what I assume was some drunken crackpot falling over the controls and then having some sort of fit, ripping all the transmission cabling at E4, or C4, whatever letter it actually runs from, I lost the digital signal, and went back to bed.

Next thing I know, I feel like my throat has been set fire to by some sort of Mexican flame party and it's 8:20am. Obviously, the rest of the day was going to be an apathetic one. As per usual.*
And yes, yes it was. I think I fell asleep in three out of five lessons today. Some sort of record, however, I did manage to arrive before 9am for the first time this week. Another record.

! RANT WARNING !

But now I would like to take some of your, semi-precious time, to rant about the English GCSE's and the educational system in general.
We had English today, which always brings out the suicidal tendancies in even the happiest people. And yes, it's Practice GCSE Paper time!
Filling in my answer sheet, as slowly as possible, scrawling what we learn about the relationship between a man and his wife from a trip to the supermarket.

Ah yes, because the fact the man attempts to purchase Cookie Crisp obviously shows that he has a command over the marriage. Are you serious? My GCSE depends on this?

For the love of God, could there be ANYTHING more pointless?

While pondering the exact objective of this circus, and ALL exams in general, the absolutely unbelivable time constraint that the English exam is bound by actually hit me like a brick through an unlaminated window.

You have, 50minutes** to answer four questions on a series of pointless articles, today, relating to America, junk food and quote "People who are Seriously Obese", we are told to answer each question in 10minutes, one mark per minute. Then we are told to write one and a half pages PER answer?***

I finished the first question, I shoddily finished the second question and barely answered the third. It was the same story with others, and you tell me that these exams are fair?

What do you want me to do?
I'm there, attempting to do both at the same frickin' time, with you telling me how my time is ticking away, how "Not finishing is not an option", how "This must be timed perfectly, remember, one mark per minute."

You don't understand, I DO NOT care.
I should, I don't.

There is no motivation to pass, only the fear of failure.
How sad, that nearly every pupil in my year has this horrific fear that their entire lives will be destroyed by poor GCSE results.

If any of you are reading this, please, sit down, listen to some music, chill, burn your revision material. It's all OK.

If you're an examiner, congratulations and welcome to the soul destroying industry that is examination marking. Now we get to see how we compare to you and your marking scheme.
I hope you're being paid with truckloads of money.

And finally, if you're one of my teachers, you can talk to me until the sun goes down over the crisp hills and powerlines, I will never care about these exams. I know I'm going to fail and thanks for the heads up.

! Normal Service Resumes Now !

So, moving back to reality, back to now, here I am, melting the keyboard with a body temperature similar to that of the sun, drinking what could be described as a bucket of Hot Chocolate, with roughly half the sugar of the entire planet mixed inside, and I've just sneezed moisturizer. Nice.

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Ill-Yuch
Listening To: Hong Kong Lullaby - I Am Kloot
Current Theory: Hot Chocolate Will Cure Anything.
Quote of the Moment: "Waste Your Vote! Vote Plaid."

*I wonder if I have clinical apathy to my schoolwork. It would make alot of sense. Should check that out sometime.
**Not even an hour, I assume this is to confuze how to time your work further. As the WJEC are after every single mark possible, everyone would fail, if it was possible.
***Bearing in mind, that this is only Paper 1, Part 1. There are three papers in all. All full of pot luck questions created by high-in-the-sky-road-trippin' examiners.