Finally Home... Special Long Edition!

Aloha, Konbanwa!
You better read it all. I sat here and mentally regurgitated this for YOU.
Now I'm sure that you've been sitting there, in your slightly-comfortable chair for the past few days, occasionally eating, constantly refreshing this page, wondering to yourself "Where is he? Where is my fix of babble?"...*

Well wait no more. I have almost all of the interesting details, you could even consider this a special edition, in fact, now it is, that's going in the title.

Well, dear reader, I've been up to numerous things**, to begin with I've been away character-developing with Tom for Studio8's sitcom, 'Delivered'. I could give you a seemingly unimportant snippet if you like? Yes?
No. It'll spoil all the surprises.
If you're a hardcore Studio8 fan, you'll come to the screening, not because you're a fan just because you're a cheapskate as it'll probably be illegal to charge entry, even though I'd love to see your face when I inform you the money goes towards trips to Starbucks and pots of Jam very important Studio8 related things (Like pots of Jam).

I also disappeared to couzin Joe's once again, for a weekend of singing out windows, eating toast, destroying Joe's relationships, social image and morale as well installing wireless routers.
As well as taking "scenic" images such as this:

Yes, this was just to show off my amazing new tee.

So was this.

So, I returned near-home***, to a social-gathering with Mr Joe, Bev and briefly, Anna.
There was little to drink, quantity wise; Bev had a Strongbow, a Stella or two and some "blue crap" which simply tasted like lemonade, just, it was 4+% vol.
Now, this would possibly be enough to get one of us tipsy, if not for what Mr Joe brought...
An innocent-looking bottle, containing a stinging concoction of Whiskey, Vodka, lemon juice and god-knows what else.
I remember singing Modest Mouse songs while swinging in the park, semi-dressed. I also remember eating chips, staring at the sky.
I love the chips from that place:

"Your chips are amazing!"
"Sam, you're shouting."
"Thank you!"

Ah, a good night.
For those interested Mr Joe also offers an extended, shoe-uncut version of events, HERE.


So, again changing the subject, a talent of mine, today I had a "recruitment day" at Argos, as part of my futile attempt to become employed for the Summer and pay for the endless stream of needless crap I tend to buy.
I began the day in a lucid dream in which I was desperately trying to turn an alarm off, waking up, I found the IKEA clock by the side of my bed was the culprit of the noise that had found its way into my dream. I whispered obscenities while turning it off and carelessly fell back asleep, only to wake at 10:30, the time I was supposed to be leaving home for the bus to town. A positive start.
I arrived at Argos, dead on 12, joining a quiet, nervous room, in which possible job candidates were dotted around sofa's and various chairs, biting their nails with scowls on their face.
I scribbled my name onto a sticker and slapped it to my tee-shirt, which depicted a giant, screaming chocolate chip muffin, the perfect choice of clothing for an interview.
A Polaroid-picture of me was required, I thought I'd pull a face, but one of the hot girls was looking over, I at least wanted to give off the illusion that I was sane before I ruined it by speaking.

Silence ensued.

I began to think that we'd be abducted, one-by-one to a dark, dank room with a blinding spotlight, to be interviewed "under caution" and pushed to breaking point only to be told we were too weak for the hectic, warzone-esque scene of a catalogue store.
However, after drinking some much needed water we were led away to the 'Staff Training' room, the door of which automatically slammed behind you****.

It was rumoured that perhaps we'd have to describe a product, I discussed with Mr Joe how that whole process could go:

"It's... A wok.
You could, cook bacon and eggs with it...
On an hob thing...
You could also beat people with it...
And, as it's Teflon coated, their blood won't stick to it..."

Perhaps we'd have to role-play with an angry customer?:

"Ok, I'm an angry customer."
"Good for you?"
"Um, yeh. So, this thing I bought doesn't work."
"You think this is a repair shop? You think I can fix this? I SELL the product, this is Argos."
"But?!?"
"I didn't make it, I don't know how it works... Send it to the manufacturer, this isn't a sales problem..."

Anyway, the tense air lifted as we were greeted by some of the store staff, after introducing ourselves via others and filling in a few catalogue-number-related-test-sheets we came to the final challenge, where three teams must build a bridge out of mega-blocks, using the least bricks possible plus this bridge must also fit a team-member underneath.
So, we began building with one of my brilliant plans, then realizing although it was sturdy, we were using way too many bricks compared to the others, one of the staff pointed out:

"You've used alot of pieces there..."
"Well, ours looks alot grander and prettier than the others, it's also very sturdy."
"The workers won't get wages though... You spent all the money on the bricks..."
"It doesn't matter, it's a communistic bridge, it's all equal and fair and they are all just happy that the bridge is there for them, they're a happy communist community."
"I see."

With ten seconds left, realizing we'd still used many more bricks than the other two teams, I quickly grabbed some mega-block men that came in the bag and chucked together a 5-brick bridge:

"And, Team 2, how many bricks have you used?"
"Five!"
"..."
"You see, the rules stated that a member of the team had to go under the bridge, now I have elected these mega-block men to join our team, therefore, a member of the team is passing under this bridge, built of five bricks."
"What's that behind you?"
"Oh that? It's just the 28-brick prototype... *Whispering* Kick it over. Kick it over."

I have a feeling I have left a lasting impression. Whether it be good or not, is something else entirely...


Moving on, this week I also found out that I have a "very rare personality" and that only 3.8% of people have a similar one, which was quite an interestingly-nice find. Oddly enough though, as small as the chances are, I've known Rachael nearly all of my life who has the exact same result as me*****. We're magic you see.

Talking of Rach, she reminded me of "one of the funniest things" I have ever said in Maths.
Our teacher was just chatting when I shouted across the classroom:

"Sarcasm is great Chris... Just like you..."

The good old days... How I will miss Maths...

Sam.
Mood of the Day: Happily-Here
Listening To: Simple Minds - Don't You (Forget About Me)
Current Theory: I'm Never Going To Get Employed
Quote of the Moment: "Sarcasm's great Chris... Just like you..."

*It's fine, honestly. It happens to the best of us.
**Operation: Fill-The-Holiday-With-Stuff-To-Do-To-Avoid-Boredom-
And-Not-Waste-It-Away-In-Bed, working at optimum levels.
***After making fun of the fact Joe was at school, by sending him there with a note I'd written at 3am. Haha, it never wears out.
****The phrase "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" came to mind.
*****That's ENTP, one of the 16 possible results with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, now, to avoid sounding like I know what I'm talking about, I'm going to say: "Peppered Firecake Sandwich".